At this point, I have only one regret in life. A regret of a burned bridge, up in flames at the expense of someone who did not deserve it. I left him to burn on that bridge, a fire started by the flames in my heart.

And then I had a dream last night, a dream in which I was forgiven for my youthful rage, my hasty indiscretions...

If you ever lay eyes on this, I'm sorry... and I hope you are happy.

I just wish you would look at me the way that you used to, back when i was such a magical creature, a mythic thought reserved only for your dreams and when you looked at the sea...


I remember the first time I heard it... when your tongue seemed to taste my name when you said it... "i love you Danielle"... as if savoring the flavor of the emotion... There seems to be little that you savor these days. Yet I need you to know that I still look at you as that mythical figure tending your fire, the light glowing softly on your cheek... the fire burning brightest in your eyes.

You said that you could say the same for me... that you wish that I would look at you the way that I used to... and so now I am looking at that image burned into my brain... I still feel your arms around me in that lightning storm on the mountain top... I still feel the ocean spray licking softly at my skin, with the sensation of your eyes upon me overshadowing even her greatness...

You are my family. You are my home.

I love you with everything that I have.

Lover scorned

The sea betrayed me last weekend... now I have a lovely sun burn and a weird lesion on my leg that slightly resembles either a jellyfish sting or the black death...

But it was good to see her, as always. Yet I have to admit, it was hard for me to connect with her like I used to. Before, all it took was a single glimpse and I was there with her spirit, blended into her rolling waves and feeling as special and as embraced as every single droplet of water that she envelopes into her body like a mother with a child. I would swim for hours, allowing her strength to dominate the comparatively inconsequential weight of my body with the passionate surrender of a lover...

Now, I hold the position of a lover scorned... still in love yet tentative to surrender again. I can't say exactly why. No incident has passed to give reason to my malcontent...

"Jump" was my mantra.

Yet my hesitation remained...

I feel as if a journey began with my strained relations with the sea... No more standing still, and much to relearn...

So I accidentally deleted all of my links when I changed my layout... so I am slowly but surely rebuilding that section of my blog.

Although, it seems a bit like my old link list served more as a grave yard than anything. So many blogs have hung up their hats. It's too bad... so many people silencing themselves after so many years.

I am on my way to California... to see that which makes me the happiest, that which understands me more than anything...

Can't wait to see the sea.

It has been raining for like 2 weeks straight.

Apparantly Utah felt bad because it forgot about the whole april showers thing...

Because it was snowing.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a good summer thunder storm equipped with pretty lightning and a break from the heat. But when a wall of water towed by the four horseman of the apocalypse happens upon me during my tuesday night beach volleyball league... i tend to get a little irritated.

Sometimes I think maybe I am just in desperate need of attention.

Sometimes I think I finally have myself all figured out, and still I bug me.

Nashville 2009

I thought maybe it was just a stereotype, but really, almost everyong walks down the street carrying a musical instrument here.

I remember that feeling... that need to express myself, to set myself apart. Its funny how sometimes life presses the mute button, and renders our souls colorless and unexpressable. I do not want to stand as one of those muted souls anymore... another voiceless face in an ocean of deadened, voiceless faces.

Listen to me!